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90 Day Personal Growth Boot Camp: Day 14 - Significance

Studies show that 90% of marital problems could be resolved if one person in the relationship were able to put themselves in the other person's shoes.

Dr. Stanton Samenow, who has spent 40 years trying to understand crime and the criminal mind, shares that a lack of empathy may be the source of most human misery.

Understanding the third human need, that of significance, will help you understand why people do what they do, and enable you to see things from their perspective. You don't have to agree with them, but you will understand them.

Every person needs to know their life matters, that they are unique, that they have significance. Some people meet this need through piercings and tattoos, others through having the biggest problems, whether real or imagined. If you have ever met someone who wants to one "down" everyone else about how difficult their week has been, you are seeing the need for significance in action.

Some get significance by being loving, some by greed, others by spirituality, and many by being part of the "one right" religion. As with all needs, they can be met in ways that serve others or harm others. You can be significant by building the biggest business, and you can be significant by tearing everyone else's down.

One sure way to get significance is anger. When you see someone angry in a meeting, you are witnessing someone who is feeling insignificant. People say, "I'm angry," because few have the courage to admit, "I am feeling insignificant." Anger gets everyone's attention, and people tend to give the loud person space and attempt to placate them, thus instant significance.

The truth is, you can meet your need for significance by simply knowing your life is unique because there has never been another you.

The important question to ask is, how can I help my loved ones feel significant? How much significance do I give them by my attention and affection? Does my spouse feel they are the most important thing in my life, and more importantly do they know they are? Perhaps they need to hear this, or see it demonstrated by a simple gesture. Find out what you partner needs from you to feel significant, and then be sure to fulfill that need at a high level.

Another important thing to understand about human needs is that if you meet each of your partner's six needs at a high level they will be yours forever in a passionate and loving relationship.

But just like the first two needs, significance is a paradox as well. You can't live without it, but too much of it will drive away what you desire most, your fourth need which we will discuss tomorrow.

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